Weekend Fast update

So my weekend started out with a bang. Actually, I picked up some form of the stomach flu so I was vomiting ALL DAY SATURDAY. Safe to say that our housewarming/Christmas party was a little awkward, with me trapesing to and from the bathroom every 20 minutes. So yes, I suppose Saturday was a success. I didn't consume anything at all thanks to that blessing/curse of a stomach flu. I was miserable. Sunday I kept it simple. Lots and LOTS of water to keep me hydrated after Saturday and a couple of sips of apple juice that my concerned roomie thrust upon me. S'okay, I know she was only trying to make me feel better. And then yesterday. I was scheduled to work most of the day at the restaurant where I serve so I was pretty stoked on running around like a chicken with my head cut off for most of the day. Ach, but it rained! The place was pretty dead most of the day, so of course the kitchen showered me with food (and noticed what I was and wasn't eating). Most of them are pretty indifferent, but there is one lady who washes dishes who is like a grandmother figure to most of us! She is so adorable and super sweet and ALWAYS TRYING TO FEED ME. Thankfully, I told her I wasn't feeling well this past weekend so she only brought out and forced a small clear broth veggie soup. Thank goodness. 

Welllllll results? I am down 6lbs after this weekends fast. I'm pretty pleased but it certainly isn't enough. I am planning on sticking to fruit and broth today amidst cleaning and Christmas shopping. Under 800. I NEED to get to the gym today, or at least out for a run! Aghfdjkfhd.... whattta crazy time of year. 

xo, 

Gracie

ps. I'm lonely. I miss boyfriend. 

he's home for the holidays. (B/P post.) TRIGGER WARNING.

So my boyfriend left for the holidays (He lives halfway across the country) and won't be back until the middle of first week of January. So what do I do? Of course I fucking stuff my face. 


It started with my roommate coming home with a huge box of springrolls from work. We are having a housewarming party tomorrow and have been gathering food and baking like fiends. So naturally I FUCKING EAT LIKE 10 OF THEM. Classic. Then on to an entire fucking box of ritz bits with cheese centre. And a half of popsicle for good measure. Are you fucking kidding me? I've been so good this week, preoccupied with exams, Christmas shopping and boyfriend leaving-- how could I let it ALL go to shit in a matter of 45 mins? I am so fucking weak. SO pathetic. You know how this ends.... trip to the washroom, glass of water, until it's all gone. I also took a couple exlax to be completely sure it's out of my system. 


This is how it's going to go from now on. The sad thing is, I thought I was completely over purging a while ago. I gave it up as my new year's resolution in 2008 and have been more or less "clean" so to speak since then. I was never an excessive eater then, and was at my LW definitely a big restricter-- sometimes I would purge over the smallest piece of lettuce or couple of kernels of Smartfood popcorn. My absolute lowest point was babysitting for 2 children, one 3 and one 4 months. I had greedily consumed 8 pieces of smartfood popcorn and was desperate to get rid of it. I left the crying baby in his car seat just outside the bathroom and purged. I felt disgusting after that. The fact that I would put my own selfish urges over the welfare of this baby made me feel even more sick. That's when I decided to give it up for good (or at least try). Now, I have a sick feeling that the beast is back. 


You know what? Fuck that. If I don't eat anything, then I can't purge! I am officially going on a fast-- until Tuesday am. Vegetable stock and water only. Boyfriend deserves to come home to a skinny, beautiful girl, not some fat, useless, selfish piece of lard. I will lose 10kg before he comes home or BUST. But seriously, I might actually bust. 


Off to make some tea. And hit the yoga mat. I feel so fucking dirty.


xo, 
Gracie

I've been doing my readings...

I promise I've been a good girl, I've been doing my readings... well no, not the ones for my finals, I've been reading up on YOU. Trust me girls, the only thing getting me thru this month is your postings. This feeling that I am not alone, that I never will be alone in this struggle, and that I am not the first nor the last to be in this... .state... 


Man... I'm SO self-absorbed. 


Yogablitz.


xo, 
Gracie

Measure me. (from July)

I don't know if I have the courage to post this... but if I do, it will serve as a reference point for later on. These were my measurements a little over 10lbs ago... I'm almost afraid to grab the measuring tape again to see what's up...


165 (5'6'')
Bust-- 41''
Under bust-- 30''
Waist-- 33''
Hips-- 41''


This was the middle of the summer. Going to break out the measuring tape at the end of this week. Will update you on my current stats then. (And then hopefully will update every month...)


Gawd.... I'm fat....


FUCK.


xo, 
Gracie

Void.

I'm so sorry I've been gone for so long. After the funeral I slipped into a black hellhole so to speak. I've hardly left the house. been sleeping most of the time. 6 weeks later and here I am. 

Battling depression sucks the life out of you. 

I've given myself a little kick in the ass, and allowed myself to reset (again.) I've joined a weight loss competition going on in my city-- regular caloric/weight updates will soon follow. I hope all you beauties have been well (enough). 

sending all my love and support.

xo, 

Gracie

past few days

There was a sudden death (suicide) in my close extended family this weekend. I"ve been out of town. It's all been a blur. I know nothing. What are numbers? 

Binge

all together now...

I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.I ate less than yesterday, please God let that number be lower tomorrow morning.

the end.

xo, Gracie

retain, retain, gain?

Attempted the salt water flush again last night to no avail. But actually, nothing came out. Now I'm retaining water like crazy-- woke up at 153! ACK! NOTHING with any sodium at all today, I'm sticking mostly to fruit. Thanksgiving weekend, I will conquer YOU!

On a completely separate note, I've been feeling super frustrated with my lack of exercise lately. Usually I love running but I seem to have fallen off the wagon this week! Ack! Midterms are probably the worst for this kind of shit. I get completely absorbed in school and everything else falls apart! I'm up late, usually bingeing, and a complete lazy slob. FUCK. No excuses, Grace, this is NEVER acceptable. 

So far have had a handful of peanuts. Hopefully going to get me thru this am's mad study session. Have to stay away from fridge. And under NO circumstances will I go to boy's house. He hardly has fruit/veggies/soup and usually ends up eating pasta/KD crap when I'm around for lack of anything else. On the bright side, I'm veg so I won't touch the meat stuff, but I need to develop a little more willpower if I'm going to be over this weekend. The stress is KILLING ME! If only I were strong.... if only I were strong...

153 is a truly depressing number.

xo, Gracie

Thanksgiving HO!

Down again this morning to 150! Now if only I can break into the 140s by the end of this weekend? A little too soon? Possibly, but here's hoping! Consumed 1300 yesterday and 1300 today. I'm being watched by family as I'm home for Canadian thanksgiving this weekend. Anyways, much LONGER post tomorrow, I promise! Hopefully I can manage to get thru this weekend without gaining!

xo, Gracie

PS/ Formatting.

I think I'm going to start posting at the end of the day with my intake/daily weight... that way all my stats for the day are in one post! Much cleaner & more organized!

xo, Gracie

FUCK YOU ONION RINGS/Miracles happen?

So yesterday was a bit of a disaster. I had gotten through the day with quinoa 300cal, 2 apples at 100 each and a bit of spinach and balsamic vinegar. Perfectly acceptable. AND THEN my boyfriend who knew I had had one hell of a terrible day proceeded to surprise me with homemade onion rings. This. Is. BAD. I mean, REALLY BAD. #1 My boy NEVER cooks for me because he's lazy/afraid he's terrible (which he isn't). #2 this is a GRAND GESTURE on his part, and really does happen once in a blue moon. Usually I'm the one to bake him cookies or pick him up a concert ticket or something that I know he'll appreciate. He's not one for remembering things like this, OR cooking... Crap. So of course I felt terrible, so guilty in fact that I ate most of them. Bringing my caloric total up to 2300ish. FUCK FUCK FUCK. How could I have let my fat ass anywhere near those? For fuck's sake! I had convinced myself that I was going to be okay too... we were watching a movie and I figured he would eat most of them by himself without noticing I hadn't had many, if any at all. But nope. Boyfriend was attentive. Apparently he had eaten all of his before and all of these were for me. Fuck fuck fuck. To make a long story short, I fucked up, hard.

This morning I woke up, expecting the worst. So imagine my surprise when I weighed in at 151, down 2 from yesterday morning! Must've been some kind of fluke. OR that salt water flush that I did yesterday morning, BEFORE consuming all this extra crap did wonders for me in cleaning out my system. Kind of gross to think of all that extra junk that was just sitting in there. I hate the feeling of having food inside me. Of feeling bloated, full and just shitty in general. *sigh* Anyway, I have made a vow that since I was somehow granted mercy for my MAJOR fuck up, I can't let that chance get away from me again! I'm not screwing it up this time. Today so far has been pretty good... hopefully will get a chance to get to the gym after my late class tonight!

xo, Gracie

Salt Water Flush

Good morning! Or should I say good afternoon-- this morning I did a salt water flush in order to rid my body of all the junk that's been building up these past few weeks. The way I see it, I'm giving myself a little kick-start. It's nice to feel clean inside. For those of you who have never done a Salt water flush, the recipe is really easy. 

Salt Water Flush

2tsp natural sea salt (You can use normal table salt too, it's really all the same)

1 quart water (4 cups)

Mix together the salt and the water, usually the salt dissolves faster in warm water and add lemon juice to help with the taste. Consume ALL within 15 minutes and then go lie on your right side for a half hour. It should usually start to work within 1-2 hours. 

Hurray for clean digestive systems! 

Okay-- now on to my weigh in; 153lbs.

Food plan for the day-- mostly raw fruits/veggies :)

Will post another food update tonight or perhaps tomorrow morning with my new wt!

Stay strong!

xo, Gracie

Intervention A&E-- Sonia and Julia

http://www.aetv.com/intervention/video/index.jsp?bcpid=741496469001&bclid=866087444001&bctid=866162230001&baseURL=/bcconfig/Player/3Tier/Intervention_3Tws/config-xml/&baseDIR=/bcplayers/Player/3Tier_ws/baseDIR/

Fresh start.... it's about time!

We all need a fresh start. Me in particular. This school year has really been kicking my ass. More so because I've been so incredibly lazy. SO SO lazy. This past week in particular has been killing me, I haven't been managing my time properly and so I've dug myself a hole of unhealthy eating habits, unhealthy food and an unhealthy lack of proper exercise. This is my vow to YOU, my dear skinnies.... NO MORE LAZINESS. NO MORE EXCUSES. This is a journey to a new me. To a new life. To a fresh start. Who's with me? I've decided in order to keep myself accountable I will be posting my full stats here for y'all. Every day. Without fail. More importantly, without failing. This is my last day of shit eating. 

So here's the plan. 

-12o for New Years. NO EXCUSES.

-work out 6x/week. 

-MAX caloric intake 1200

-daily postings on food, exercise and weight for accountability

Starting stats: (As of this morning) Weight: 154lbs (petrifying how high that number is...)


xo, Gracie